North Plains, OR 97133
Dear Maureen,
Merry Christmas to you my darling. I love you. This is the 38th Christmas that Maureen Gail Donnelly Neal has held the absolute center-stage in my life. May it always be so.
I’ve never been particularly good at buying presents and this year is certainly no exception, but my heart yearns to do something you’ll appreciate and cherish. Towards this end I feel decidedly unsuccessful this year.
The only thing you’ve suggested that I give you for Christmas this year I do not believe is in our best interest. You are an unusually attractive woman, and you simply do not need a face-lift. However, if after you’ve had time to consider this matter carefully, you feel strongly that you want to proceed, I will support you.
On the other hand, and as you know, I’ve endeavored to track down something that might be of interest to you and possibly even thrill you. But as I was to discover last night, you are not interested in a self-indulgent health spa get-away. That was my last best hope for this Christmas. The offer is still there, and in fact the spa information is still on my desk but if you would prefer I will simply give you the money and you choose where to go and how to spend it.
The year 2000 promises to be an interesting one. It is a thrilling time to be alive. I am glad that we have one another to enter the new millennium. First and foremost it is important that we both take the time to truly thank our Heavenly Father for the blessings we share. But sometimes in order to appreciate what we have it is helpful to remember from whence we came. Against this backdrop I will include below some journal excerpts that mention you, and which I believe you may find interesting:
“Maureen resumes her early morning vigil over feeding crabs and her husband’s splashing antics at oceans edge. Occasionally she allows him to coaxes her into the ceaseless surf, but only occasionally. Today she pities him, alone to his waist waving at her to come in. Okay, but just to my waist she motions. Gingerly and womanly she moves into the warm froth. She represents everything good and wonderful. I am in love.”
“After a few minutes in the surf she returns to our towels, scaring inquisitive crabs. With her back to the sea she lies on her side and talks softly to her multi-legged friends. A different woman than the fifteen-year old girl I met so many years ago at a football game. One scared of insects and terrified of spiders and crabs and almost anything with more than four legs. Yes, different, but the same. The same slender legs, the same commitment to do what she believes in.”
“A lot of life has passed since first we fell in love. Eight children and now grandchildren galore mark the passage of time and stand as testimony of what our life’s been about. I’m very proud of our family and its size and I’m the first to mention this in new social settings. Maureen is mostly embarrassed when people first hear of how many children we’ve raised. She says my motive in telling people about our family size is a combination of shock value and unrighteous pride. She’s likely correct on both points.”
“I remind myself that the bottom line is I’m an extremely lucky fellow. Better married than I deserve, with a large and wonderful family made more so because of the sensitive, capable, and attractive Maureen. She’s tops, and my greatest good fortune is to know it.”
“I am incredibly blessed with a richness of family that would have been impossible for me to even comprehend at an earlier age. There is no doubt that within the family one experiences the heights and depths of life. Certainly my greatest joys, deepest melancholy, and the greatest frequency of life's growth opportunities have come within my family experience. My wife is a wonderful woman in so many ways it seems that it would be an almost unholy task to try and list her values because I would undoubtedly fail to make mention of many of her important virtues. Maureen Gail Donnelly was born on 31 March 1946 to Joseph Philip Donnelly and Jane Ellen Dowling. She is the oldest of five children.”
“At this writing I am forty-five years of age having been born on 10 July 1946, in Long Beach, California to Leonard L Neal and Shirley Nored. I have one older sister and no brothers. My sister's married name is Sherry L Meinberg. Thirty years ago on the evening of 10 November 1962 at a high school football game I met the most fantastic girl; her name was Maureen. It was love at first sight. Both of us had something of a tumultuous childhood and were literally driven to each other.”
“Maureen is "nesting", baking bread, and fussing around the house to make it "ready" for when she heads back to school next week. She is doing a great job of applying herself to her studies. She spends about 100 hours a week between school, clinicals, and study time. Only Emily age 16, and Timothy age 14, are left at home. Both are very capable and so Maureen is finally able to fulfil her dream of finishing college. In that I now work from home and no longer have to get up and go to the office every day it makes life a lot easier for all of us.”
“Speaking of Mo; she's doing great in school. Still putting in about 100 hours a week. She has virtually no time for yours truly; or for that matter, any of the rest of the family. Here's an example. Yesterday she was up at 4:30 AM, at the hospital at 6:00 AM, worked there until 1:00 PM, then off to college for classes until 6:00 PM, home for a quick sandwich, off to a different college campus for classes until 10:00 PM. Frankly, I do not know how she's doing it. I get tired just watching her roar around. At least once a week she virtually collapses from the pace. But, after a 10 hour sleep she's back at it with a vengeance. (Lot of wisdom in the Sabbath)”
20 January 1991. “Maureen took Tim and three local girls skiing today. It was a school holiday, (not the kind where a business is closed), so Maureen went up and spent the time doing schoolwork in the lodge while the kids played around in the snow. Mo got home rather late but started in on school work. I helped her with a few things, and we didn't get to bed until after 1:00 AM. A paper she had to write on her "Culture" is interesting reading, so I'll include it below.
MY CULTURE
As I write this paper I am sitting in Timberline Lodge, sipping a warm cup of herbal tea, and watching the skiers rush down the mountain. I brought a van load of noisy teenagers up from the city to celebrate MLK day on the slopes. I suppose today's activity symbolizes the main focus of my culture; the family. My culture is centered around home, me, my husband of 29 years, our seven children, some really cute grandchildren that live only two blocks away, a dog named "Bo", and two cats, "Othello" and "Cyrano", (both of whom are girls!)
Our house used to be a bustling, doorbell chiming, television blaring, telephone ringing, two radios playing, who's bouncing that basketball upstairs, kind of house. That was when all the kids were home. Now three are married, two at university, and a 19-year-old trying to "find herself". That leaves two bored teenagers who are having difficulty enjoying a quiet house. For me, I love the quiet.
Everyone was home for Christmas, all seven plus married counterparts, three grandchildren, and visiting friends. The phone rang off the hook, all the old high school friends dropped by. Grandchildren were there all the time asking such things as, "Grandma, can I have a piece of bologna." The house was alive with music, "The Osmonds" Christmas album, (a family tradition), videos played constantly, and my youngest even brought down his little TV for Super Mario- Nintendo. What a mad house!! It went on for over a week, when about December 27th I saw the last of the taillights out my driveway, I can't deny I was relieved. Immediately two bored teenagers commented how lonely they were, (Mike and Shannon couldn't have been gone but three hours.) So I guess my culture is indeed, based upon family life.
When there are children, the house seems to revolve around them and not so much the parents. We seem to work extra hard to provide the opportunities we feel will give our children an advantage in life. (Sometimes this can backfire.)
I feel strongly that mothers and fathers have different but equally important roles. Mothers are and should be nurturers. There are lots of ways to do that, women can still work, or whatever, but still their main concern is to love and nurture their children when they are young, and to be a listening ear as they grow older. The father plays a crucial role as the proverbial "head of the house." (I subscribe to a somewhat modified version, since my house is far from male dominated.) Still, I believe fathers should be responsible to care for the financial concerns of their family, (provide the money), and fathers should be a strong influence in the day to day lives of all of their children. The dad should also support the mom with children and chores. I resist the notion that the papa should be exempt from household duties. All jobs need to be done for the family to work smoothly.
In my family we are active Latter Day Saints. And I suppose its fair to say that my church provides the framework for my culture. LDS religious teachings encompass many cultural values. As a general rule, we subscribe to rather old fashioned codes of conduct based upon clear-cut moral and personal standards. We actively teach against sexual promiscuity, and that cohabitation is not acceptable. Culturally, we also tend to be way behind the times in our acceptance of modern moral issues such as abortion and homosexuality. My culture group is appalled by the general lack of honesty and integrity in today’s world. We strongly advocate a return to basic moral values and endorse a high code of ethics for all people regardless of cultural background or religious experience. Admittedly this approach seems somewhat out of date and dull, but in reality it provides me with the opportunity "to be all that I can be".
Education is an important issue in our family's culture. My husband and I have endeavored to build a home life that instills attitudes of intellectual growth. We have books on many subjects throughout the house. Our conversations tend to encourage intellectualization. All of our children are expected to focus on learning and are encouraged to attend college. Of course, that doesn't mean they necessarily agree!
My husband is an avid amateur archeologist and does most of his study in Mexico. We have made many trips to Mexico and Guatemala, several by car, in pursuit of his passion. This part of our culture has been extremely enjoyable since we have made close friendships with several Mexican families. We have been able to comfortably send 4 of our children to spend the school year in Veracruz, Mexico. (All have traveled there and spent at least a summer.) Two of our sons speak such excellent Spanish they will receive a minor in Spanish, simply by testing at the University of Utah. We have also enjoyed sharing our home nine different times with children from other countries.
So time marches on, the family is growing up. Will the empty nest leave my husband and I without a meaningful life? Not at all. My culture allows one to grow older with a wide berth of choices. Service is a highly acclaimed value, most of the service we have rendered to date has been to our children, or within our church. Often retirement brings exciting opportunities for older members of my society to leave their home and use their talents for the benefit of others; frequently abroad. Personal goals and their fulfillment are encouraged. Old timers, are not expected to "stay on the farm". From my point of view life has just begun.
My culture teaches that life is one complete round. Just as parents nurture and raise their children, the children in turn will nurture and care for their parents in later years. My culture provides the setting in which I am "self actualized", feel loved, feel needed, enjoy variety, and enjoy peace. I am happiest when living in harmony with my culture's traditions.”
Update from Maureen. “Last week I began volunteer service with the American Red Cross, ("ARC"). This has been one of those lifelong goals which I've been projecting for way, way, way out somewhere in the future. For that era of my life....when I get enough time, when.....everything in my life is organized, when....I am not needed at the house during the day, and on and on. Not that this time has come entirely, mind you, it's just that in my search for a meaningful education which will somehow benefit society and my personal gratification needs, it seems Spring 1993 IS the right time to train with the ARC. So I made application and was accepted to work as part of the blood collection staff several hours each week, as my schedule will permit. For two months I will be a "sealer." This is an important position for which some people are uncomfortable, due to the concerns of handling whole blood. However, I am grateful to have this job since it is fairly complex, and I am trained in universal precautions regarding blood products. The job entails handling the product and preparing it to be sent to the lab, sealing the tubes to prevent leaks and some recording paperwork.
The ARC is staffed by mostly volunteers and a small percentage of paid staff. To my knowledge their finances come only from donations, both financial and in kind, and the sale of whole blood to local hospitals. They also provide a service in collecting autologous blood for donors. That is, if a donor is scheduled for surgery soon, they can earmark their own blood to be collected and sent to the facility of their choice for use, during surgery if required. (This is a free service, which would be very expensive if a donor were to go to the hospital and have this done.) Naturally, this provides a measure of comfort to those who are concerned about the safety of our blood supply. I am not sure what a unit of whole blood goes for, however, you can imagine the cost if private enterprise were to monopolize this market. The advantage of many volunteers, and numerous volunteer hours, keeps the cost down and funds much of ARC's humanitarian services, both within the United States and throughout the world.
We are all familiar with the community classes that ARC offers such as CPR, and Standard First Aid. However there is another entire level of training available to anyone who is willing to learn and serve. Disaster relief is ARC's main purpose. It is ARC who is generally first on the scene of natural disasters, be they earthquake, forest fire, hurricane, flood, tornado and on and on. The disaster crews are ordinary citizens who are trained and prepared to organize volunteers, set up safe areas for victims, coordinate communication with relatives, provide and organize support for workers, and offer a myriad of other services. In short, ARC provides all sorts of humanitarian services needed in disaster relief which we seldom think about.
Well, since I've only begun I don't know much more, except to wear softer soled shoes next time. Also, wouldn't it be wonderful if all able bodied Americans were able to "jump start" a life, or assist with first aid. As we in our family remember, you never know when YOU could make the difference. It costs about $30 and 8 hours of your time to be trained in CPR for example. I would like to see all of my family trained in this basic skill, think about it!”
“As I think about my blessings, Maureen and our relationship stand right at the top. A more wonderful woman I cannot imagine. Not perfect but certainly more perfect than I deserve. And, to think, there were times, particularly in our early married life, that I seriously considered bailing out. What a tragedy that would have been. It occurs to me that if I was to meet a perfect person I probably wouldn't recognize them for what they were, simply because I'd be looking at them through my imperfect point of view. In any event, notwithstanding our occasional disagreements, our marriage has never been so healthy, and well grounded. And, notwithstanding our lack luster church service, the Gospel is the underlying strength on which our marriage rests. I truly want to be married to Maureen for time and all eternity.”
“The Lord has seen fit to bless me notwithstanding my human frailties. Life is unbelievably good. Maureen and I have never had such an excellent relationship as we do now, notwithstanding the waning of sexual ardor. The fire is there but the blaze is gone, it has been replaced with a steady, dependable, constant flame. The spirit is finally overriding the biological proclivity, and in general this is a good thing. Life is so much more comfortable and pleasant, but the high-energy days seem to be behind me. Passion definitely has its high points but if not carefully contained can easily lead to forbidden fruits, debasement, and finally destruction.”
“Maureen and I are enjoying our relationship almost as never before, our home setting is simply incredible, and life has taken on a new and refreshing dimension. At this particular moment in time, all our children seem to be happy and well. We see them often and enjoy our grandchildren. Last night Maureen and I met with Tracy & Natalie for dinner in Gresham, Mary & Lee dropped in and we had a wonderful evening together.”
“The Lord has blessed us beyond our utmost dreams, and I have a strong feeling that this is just the beginning. My instinct tells me that Maureen and I we are about to take another giant step up.”
“---- The garage door is opening, and my sweetheart is home. Will go for now.”
Maureen, I hope you’ve enjoyed reading the above and that it may have given you pause for reflection. May this Christmas be a wonderful experience. My gift to you is me.
Love, Terry